This is a group that I recently found that just epitomizes Barbershop Brooklyn blues. They have several covers out and are worth a listen. Lake Street Dive.
I was floatin’ down the muddy river in my old row-boat starin’ at my ugly ass wife Big Bessie. For 30 years all she does is give me the stink and the scowl like a scorned bull frog. I sat at the bottom of my whiskey glass in that old ass row-boat cryin’, “I’m fixin’ to die, I’m fixin’ to die, and I can’t be satisfied… why oh why am I going to die in this old ass row-boat of mine.”
Big Bessie looked in my eyes and said, “You’ll be dead faster than a skeeter if you haven’t bought me that dress and wine”.
“Bess, I don’t have your dress, I don’t have your wine, why do you see dollar signs? Stop askin’ me to buy you what I cannot afford, we live in a trailer on a muddy shore, and all I own is this nasty ass row-boat of yours.”
“Damnit Little Willie, you good for nothing hick, I’ve had it with your bullshit, I’ll beat you in this fuckin’ crick.”
So Big Bessie lunged at me with that nonstop scowl she wore. Her toothless whiskey breath choked me as she choked me, all 300 pounds. We wrestled and jostled until I pulled out my 40 and shot Big Bessie right in the head. Blood and brains were everywhere, sloshin’ around this damn rowboat of mine. And for the first time in those last 30 years I finally felt fine.
I rowed my way back to the shore with this big fat grin a gleamin’. Big Bessie rollin’ about in the base of the boat completely sap of scowl. For now I’m free of her tyranny and livin’ life as happy as can be as the cops pull in on me.
They threw me to the ground handcuffin’ my wrists yelling all sorts of vulgar and piss. Lookin’ out the back window I was wheeled away with nothing less than a smile to say…